"Dating Relationship Analogies In Ballroom And Latin Dancing"," Have you ever watched a couple dancing on the floor moving through complex movements so gracefully and effortlessly that it seems that some magical spell has been cast that has caused the two beings to share one seamless consciousness? I was mystified by this phenomenon and was compelled to take classes myself. Enlightenment came largely as a result of having a patient instructor at the local YMCA who was also an engineer by trade. In both the Ballroom and Latin style of couple's dance, one person has to lead and the other person has to follow. Initially, I wasn't sure why this was but eventually it became apparent. The instructor came over and asked me if, whatever it was I was trying to do, could I please stop it. He placed his hands, palms up, in front of her and asked her to place her hands over his. After she positioned her hands over his he simply said, ""Now, follow me,"" and began to maneuver her around the room making her look like she was a gifted princess. Magic, right? Maybe magnets? As I recall he explained it to me this way: ""The key is to always keep in your mind exactly where you want to be three moves from now and exactly where you want her body to be three moves from now. "" This is a lot like dating in that the woman not only likes to have a man with confidence but she needs to be able to feel it in order to give her perspective in the relationship. In many turns and spins he may initiate her turn with one hand but he will often run the other along her waist to provide her with support and stability as she turns. It is the same thing in a relationship. If he is ambivalent or unsure of where he is in the relationship, she (if she is emotionally healthy) will become frustrated or impatient and will soon loose interest. This will cause her to naturally loose trust in him, making it more difficult for her to follow whatever lead he is giving. It won't take too many miscues from him for her to again loose interest and move on. If the guy has any spine at all this will create much conflict and confusion as she will be pushing him around to tell him what she wants to do at the same time that he is supposed to be communicating to her what is coming up next. Just as in a relationship, she really wants to dance or be together with someone and so, will often put up with this dysfunctional, uncommitted substitute if only to avoid being alone. The man's job as leader is many times more complex than the woman's job as follower. Given a choice of being unloved and unwanted or of feeling inadequate and disrespected, most women will see being unloved and unwanted as the worse option while most men would see feeling inadequate and disrespected as the more painful (ref: For Women Only, Feldhan, 2004). Understanding this in the analogy should help two people dating see that both people have different but complimentary needs. Likewise, she will feel much more cared for and desired if he spends the time and money to help her have an enjoyable evening. In terms of men's and women's natural wiring, the woman is naturally better able to follow than the man due to her heightened sense of intuition. Another interesting dynamic in dance surfaces when studying the best way for each person to hold the other in the classic ballroom position (her right hand outstretched to her side and resting in his outstretched left hand, his right hand behind her on the lower part of her shoulder blade, and her left hand on his right shoulder or upper arm). Quite to the contrary, if done properly there is always a slight but definite tension among the three points of contact. Women have a natural need for this tension because it is the means of communication. In dance, assurance is provided through communication via the tension in the hold (nobody likes to dance with a dishrag). Notice I say frequently and not constantly. Spend time doing other routine things or independent activities (chores, family things, hobbies, work, etc) and wait for that insecurity to come around again (times vary depending on the woman but it WILL come around). Then, know her love language, and clearly and creatively communicate to her again that she is special and that you, this day, choose her. It does require planning, strategy, cleverness, and keeping track of both the clock and the score but it is very definitely not a game; it is a relationship between two uniquely wired and wonderfully created people with hearts both capable of love so great so as to bridge continents (cliché but true) and at the same time capable of such levels of depravity so as to render another incapable of loving or even to loose the desire to continue living. Every woman I danced with was different and at first I could only think of them as better dancers or worse dancers. For example, one woman was tall (about six inches taller than I) and very beautiful but was insecure about her height. It was difficult to lead her because I could not get any resistance to be able to feel where she was. She would often put her body unusually close to mine and had a habit of touching her breasts with any part of my body she could get a hold of or manipulate into the right position. Yet another woman I had to remind several times to let me lead as she would compulsively attempt to back-lead me. She was very used to being independent and not being able to trust men. She would get frustrated and impatient with my mistakes as I was learning and would try to ""help"" me by taking matters into her own hands. To be fair, I had my own myriad of issues that showed up in how I attempted to lead and dance but this just further illustrates the point that not only is dance a fitting analogy for relationships, but that the issues in the one have a directly related corollary in the other. I've illustrated mostly from the perspective from a man to a woman but similar principles apply in the other direction too. They may not have seen a lot of detail but they could certainly pick out the major landmarks. click and learn
